2012: The year the world didn't end

As most doomsdayers, movie buffs and anyone alive, really, knows: 2012 is the year the world will end.

Right?

Wrong.

NASA have released information telling us to stop buying cans of beans, and to stop preparing for the worst because the world is not going to end.

Shock.

Anyway, to celebrate the year the world (nearly/could’ve/almost) ended – here’s a look back at 2012:

Newly divorced Kim K paired up with Kanye (again, shocker) and they became tinsletown’s Kimye. 

Angelina Jolie’s right leg became the talk of the Oscars. 

Sophia-Grace and Rosie invaded our lives thanks to Ellen D. 

Elmo’s handler got accused of kiddy-fiddling (another shocker). 

Sh*t People Say vids went viral.

Gangnam Style took over and stopped everybody shuffling. 

Lara Bingle tried to get people to see her as more than an air-head (not so sure that worked, love).  

The Shire was supposed to be Aus’ answer to Jersey Shore (it wasn’t). 

Instagram made everyone a ‘photographer’. 

Online shopping became the norm. 

One Direction almost overtook the Biebs (or did they manage it?).

Fifty Shades of Grey spiced up dull relationships of forty-somethings. 

The Olympics was on (but seriously, who watched it). 

Big Brother promised a huge comeback, it failed. 

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds surprised everyone with their dash to the alter. 

Prince Harry got nude in Vegas. 

T Cruise and K Holmes divorced – but no one except Suri cared. 

 

Seal split with glamazon Heidi – who stepped out with her new BF soon after. 

Obama proved that once you go black you never go back.

Ed Sheeran emerged as everyones favourite ranga.

R Patz and K Stew split after Stewie’s affair with a married man, the pair reconciled just before the release of the final Twilight. Handy. 

Hannah Montana, sorry – Miley Cyrus, not only went on an image overhaul (hello, no hair!) but BF Liam popped the question. 

Snooki had a baby – as did Hilary Duff, Kristin Cavallari and Kourtney Kardashian. 

Jersey Shore graced our screens for the final time. 

North America faced one horrible natural disaster and, lastly, Whitney Housten died.

And there you have it!

Note: The word ‘shock/er’ is used as sarcasm.

Shock.

Legally Bronze

If there’s one thing Aussie’s know how to do, its fake tan.

Getting that perfect golden glow isn’t easy (and sometimes we look more Jersey Shore, than “I’ve just come back from a holiday to the Greek Islands”).

But since summer is just around the corner, and as someone who’s probably tried on more fake tans than shoes (and who’s sheets and bathroom are permanently stained orange), here’s the low-down on what works...and what really, really doesn’t.

 

1.       Le Tan Fast Tan Spray and Lotion ($)

Probably the most used fake tan of them all (and why not, because it’s cheap). But I went through a (waaaaay too long) stage of using this stuff (spray and lotion) and truthfully, I looked like an oompa loompa. It’s orange, it smells, and it comes off patchy. Naaaaaaht a good time.

2.       Sugar Baby Instant Tanning Spray ($)

I used the spray and it looked great! Can’t complain. It even smelt good (mmm coconuts)! It comes off patchy though and it hurts to exfoliate it off (ouchies). But good for a quick night out fix.

 

3.       Rimmel Sun Shimmer Instant Tan (wash off) ($)

Super cheap (like $4), but has orange tones. It stains your clothes too. You’ve been warned.

4.       Hissy Fit Tanning Lotion ($)

Got this baby from David Jones and it gives a great golden colour that lasts for a couple days. Only problem – the lotion is clear so WASH YOUR HANDS! I didn’t wash mine right and had tell-tale signs of fake tanning stained between my fingers for a week.

5.       Dove Summer Glow ($)

Good for virgin-tanners. Blocked my pores. Takes a while to get a deep tan. Not a fan.

6.       Australis Instant Bronzer ($)

I used to use the mousse over another tan to make the tan-ness more intense. It worked. And it’s cheap, so why not.

7.       St Tropez Tanning Mousse ($$)

Probably one of my faves. I tried the lotion a few years ago and used it every day and looked like an orang-utan. I’ve since toned back to two times a week. It works a lot better.

8.       Model Co Spray Tan ($$)

Beautiful colour. Bit exxy (costs less to get a profesh tan done). Will stain your bathroom. Proceed with caution.

9.       Loving Tan 2 Hour Express Tan ($$)

Gay name. Awesome tan. I use the 2 hour tan and its AMAAAAAAAAAZING! Seriously. You legit glide the mousse (smells delish) over your body, leave for two hours and then wash...and voila! tan. As someone who hates forgetting to tan the night before a night out, this is my beautiful little secret that (to me) is the best thing since Cadbury Marvellous Creations. 

10.   SUN Tanning Lotion ($$$)

One of the first tans I fell in love with. It gives a beautiful, natural looking brown colour and lasts for aaaages. It’s only available online though...Christmas present anyone?

A realistic reality?

Most of us have watched The Hills and we’ve seen Laguna Beach (and both series’ downhill spiral after the original girl-next-door said adios).

We fell in love with Lauren when she was just LC. We watched “Ste-PHEN” juggle two girls who were way out of his league. We witnessed man-juggling at its best with Kristin (who is now wifed up with a bub – who would’ve guessed). We saw Alex M fail to launch a music career. We watched “Jess-CAH” catastrophically fall from grace (whining and complaining the whole way). And we watched Heidi turn into Speidi.

We’re surrounded by a world that’s constantly giving us looks into other people’s lives. Jersey Shore, Geordie Shore, The Shire (lol), Big Brother, Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, My Super Sweet 16, The Life of Brian, The Real Housewives etc etc. – PS. special thanks to MTV for most of those.

But how real is ‘reality’ and why are we so obsessed with other people’s lives?

Do we need gratification? Are we better than them? Or, are our lives so boring that we have to watch the way other people live just for kicks?

But everyone knows The Hills was scripted. The Shire is definitely scripted. Big Brother is controlled by a bunch of people.

However, according to Psychologist George Gerbner ‘prolonged exposure to television can shape a viewer’s concept of the world’.

Cool.

So (providing that’s true) most of us see the world as a place where we should get drunk often, bang as many people as possible, always be on/getting ready for/setting up a date, have babies young (or perhaps don’t have babies at all), yell at people (particularly girls), fight with our boyfriends, attend glamorous events, and only concentrate on a social life.

Right?

For more reading on this educational and insightful issue: Click here
 

"If you weren't born with it, just buy it"

It’s hectic, gnarley and a heaps sick aye.

Welcome to The Shire! Or the Sutherland Shire, a Local Government area in Southern Sydney.

It’s Australia’s newest ‘dramality’ show, portraying the best of the Aussie bogans.

Channel Ten said the show is made up of ‘hot surfers, vivacious models, girls next door, on-and-off couples, loveable rogues and entrepreneurs’...But it’s actually nothing like Jersey Shore.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

It’s set to air Monday Channel Ten @ 8pm. I’m excited!

Don’t be a kook. Neck up with ya prawns and eshays and prepare for a Shire sesh.

Shire-isms:

Yiewww interj. Expression of excitement

Kook n. A crazy or eccentric person

Heaps sick aye adj. Very good yes

A long neck away adj. A measurement of time

Prawn n. Attractive body, unattractive head

Cheers to you adj. Here’s to enjoying this tasty beverage

Neck up v. Please be quiet

Sesh n. An enjoyable event with one or more person

Lamo n. Feeble individual

Eshay n. An Australian ‘lad’